ok, so i have decided to set up this blog and have no idea what i am doing!!! i have recently started a journal but decided typing is much faster and easier than writing down all my thoughts! so i am going to try this.
this is a little scary to me because someday down the road i may decide to let people read this. someone may come upon it accidentally before i am ready and they will learn all my thoughts that i am not ready to say out loud. i am not good at sharing the extremely personal stuff, but i need a way to get it out. my sweet cody does not understand why i feel the way i do sometimes, and it is just easier to not talk to him about it most of the time. i do have a few good girlfriends but i know they don't want to hear my problems either. so here i go...
i am just struggling with so many things lately i don't even know where to start. this will probably be nothing but rambling because i just can't go to the beginning of all of this so i am just going to write like i have been doing this forever and write about today. i am frustrated with work all the time and this week is no exception. i am tired of having nothing to do, but then when i do have something to do, it's a crap job. i am worth more than this. most people would love to get paid what i get paid and get to do nothing all day long. i, on the other hand, feel like this is a waste of my time. i used to be good at my job, but ever since we moved over to impact 4 kids, i feel like a waste of space and money. i still, 8 months later, don't know what my position is or what i am even still doing here. i really just wish i knew what else to do with my life...
i am trying to get my bow business running. a year ago i started bowtrendz.com, and love making hair bows, but am having a hard time getting it going. i have added tutus to the mix recently and am having a blast with that! i have my first ad starting in october and can hardly wait to see if it brings in some business. i am not expecting this to replace my income, but some extra cash would be nice! maybe someday i could even make enough to just work part time! that would be wonderful!!!
on another note, i have to talk about my joy, hannah. she is so much fun! she is just growing like crazy and becoming quite her own little person! i love hanging out with her and being her mommy. i can't imagine my life without her. she is so funny, and she knows it, and she loves to be funny! the harder she can make you laugh, the more she keeps going! so much fun! we are going to Disney on Ice saturday and cannot wait to see how she likes it! it is going to have Tinkerbell, Lion King, Cars, and Little Mermaid! and it's at the State Fair...you can't beat that:)
this blog is an attempt to help me get some stuff off my mind so maybe i won't be so frustrated all the time. i don't know why, but i always feel maybe not angry, but definitely frustrated. i am frustrated with work for sure, and then with myself a lot of the time. i am having a hard time in my walk with God, and just in the last 2 weeks or so have started reading my Bible again in i don't know how long. i don't pray hardly at all anymore, and really couldn't tell you the last time i had a really good, long talk with my Father. i have an issue i tend to dwell on and when i try and pray about it, it turns into a very negative thing and then i just feel guilty. i am not quite ready to put that issue in writing yet, but maybe eventually.
well, i think this is enough griping for one day. i will try to post positive stuff as well as stuff i just need to get off my mind, but obviously today is not the day for that.
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