really...china????

yesterday i was sitting in hibdon waiting on a patch to be put on my tire. i was taking advantage of the down time and reading my bible study book, fields of the fatherless. this is the bible study that lindsey is leading, and it is about helping the poor, widows, and orphans. i have not gotten just overly excited about it, but i made the commitment to the group, and i was going to stick it out, at least to the end of the book. well, i was just supposed to read chapter 3, but they weren't done with my tire yet, so i decided to try and get ahead. chapter 4 is about adoption, which i seem to have no passion for. i am all about helping lindsey with her advocacy for the orphans in uganda, but i have a lack of passion still. that is, until chapter 4. this chapter has the story of 2 couples' journeys through their adoption process. one of the couples adopted from china and as i am reading it, i start crying and feel like i was kicked in the gut! there i am, in the middle of hibdon tires, with tears in my eyes! i have no idea what it means yet. adoption??

i approached the topic with cody last night and he absolutely stomped out my flame. he informed me the only way he would ever adopt is only after we have at least one more of our own. i was devastated. i don't know that i am ready to adopt, but the fact that he just put an end to the conversation like he did really was disappointing. it's not like i was trying to put in the app today, i was just trying to talk to him about it. and maybe we're not even supposed to adopt. maybe we are supposed to sponsor a child for now, or somehow become an advocate. we can't even apply until i turn 30 anyway!

so, i am praying for wisdom and guidance once again. i don't even know what to pray for yet, but i do know i can't ignore this. we are talking about the Holy Spirit at church, and this can't just be an accident or coincedence. i just need to know what i am supposed to do and i want to listen to God and know when he is trying to lead me.